Crappy fortnight :<

Hey peeps! :)

Well I'm sorry for the two week MIA, but I've been having some crap happen recently.

1. I told my junior E about my eating disorder. But I said that it was behind me now. And she was so genuinely concerned that

2. I started this two-week recovery challenge and GUESS WHAT but I only got through 2 days. Then I broke down and lost it. Because

3. Last Friday (12 Apr) The eupho section tutor Mr. Teo refused to see me because I was so bad. I Went to the washroom, and cried a little. And I was so angry at myself for letting my emotions show that I cried a bit more. >( So I'm on my own. And my section mates are really sweet and are helping and coaching me. But the voices in my head won't leave me alone. They tell me that V. and J. are only helping me because they don't want me to be AS big a disgrace to my section as I am now. :( But anyway

4. I skipped band last Saturday because I couldn't face my section without just losing it.

5. This Wednesday the H1 Project Work tutor threw half my project out the window and SH*T YOU WOMAN why didn't you say my project was dumb, on the submitted draft?! :< And it's due this Wednesday. So

6. I am skipping band lunch today because, well, it's lunch. And there are people. Whom i am not close to at all! Besides my BFF C ditched me (hahaha! Not like I really mind lol I understand and besides I can count the number of times she's ditched me without giving me prior warning on one hand!!) and I'm sure no one wants to talk to me anyway. :<

I swear paranoia is taking over my life and mind. I hate it that I feel lousy all the time. And I've been telling E, and she's so supportive and caring and such a good friend. I wish I'd been able to talk to someone like this before! Maybe then I wouldn't have started cutting in the first place that led to my ED. E doesn't play things down and all but invalidate them, but neither does she make a mountain out of a molehill and start freaking out. She just kinda listens, and lets me know she's there for me if I need anything. Why do I have such sweet friends I so totally don't deserve them! <3 :P

Lindariel