... And I'm going away again. ._.

Ok my flight is on Saturday, early morning. Bye-bye darlings and continue getting skinnier without me as my family feeds me and gets more fats on these already fatty bones! D:

But in all honesty I can't say I'm not going to enjoy myself. Hiking, skating, my birthday (and therefore presents! ;) ), no Math, ahhh, the life. ;) see ya in January! :) and happy early Christmas, and New Year! <3 data-blogger-escaped-br="">
Happy holidays,
Lindariel

I'm Back!

Hi guys! I'm back!

And an entire kg heavier T_T I'm planning to do my standard 9pm to 6pm fast this week, all 5 days... AAARRGHH I FEEL SO FAT.

Will... must.... get thinner... thinner...

One Day More

Going to my BFF's house for a sleepover tomorrow! :D Really excited~ ^^ Will have to eat :P Her grandma is obsessed with feeding A and I :P My friend told her grandma we were going to stay a couple of days and apparently her first reaction was "Oh those girls who eat very little!" :P On the plus side, none of us eat a lot/snack a lot so it won't be awkward having to refuse snacks  :)

~ Gotta go pack now ^^

<3 Lindariel

Irritated With Myself and More

I'm so irritated!! I was feeling light-headed so I drank a cup of tea. And then I was STILL feeling woozy so I ate 6 cream crackers. Followed by 8 coffee biscuits, two slices of honeydew, a slice of cheese and an orange. Where has my self-control gone!! On the bright side, I didn't eat dinner and I stopped myself before I went on a full-out binge.

And kind of half-half, is that mum's mad at me. Sad face. So she's decided not to cook for me. Happy face lol. So I have an excuse not to eat tomorrow! :D What's more if I play it properly and act as thoroughly pissed as I am now (when I'm irritated I just turn into a literalist and ignore people to make THEM more pissed) she might just forgive me tomorrow haha.

In any case I honestly feel like moving out now, just, like ANYWHERE. Then it occurs to me that the only other place I have to stay is my dad's and NO WAY am I going there. Oh, jeez. ._.

Lindariel

P/S: Painting my right fingernails light beige/pink. ._.

Why. :(

Ahh crap I feel so weak x( Can't even keep to a one day water fast! x( Been feeling very light-headed and it's ONLY HALF PAST TEN IN THE MORNING. Meeeh I'll go have a cup of qpple tea sweetened with splenda x( Gah why do I have to have low blood sugar problems!

Lindariel

Living The Life :)

(This was supposed to be posted yesterday but my Internet was switched off =,=)

Finished Chinese 'Os today :D Went to Chinatown to get more yarn for crochet. Sleepover in four days. Crap. Gotta have two scarves ready by then. Crap. //stitch, stitch, stitch like a G6~// Haha!

Had half a bowl of ice kacang today, as well as 200 cals of peanut butter x_x but I had really little for dinner so I'm not inconsolably upset with myself :P

Anyway I'm fasting tomorrow! :D Water only fast, from today 9pm to Friday 6pm. That's 45 hours. I hope I can do it!! :S The last time I fasted I binged once the fast ended xP I hope I don't do that again ackkk.

Meanwhile I sit with crochet in my lap, Les Miserables & Phantom of the Opera playing from my iPod :D ok back to crocheting :D

Good news :)

OH my goodness WOOHOO

I was planning to go shopping today at a thrift store or two, to find some nice things, and I wanted to wear this green skirt I don't wear that often. So I take it out of my closet and GUESS WHAT it's too small for me!! :D In June I could fit perfectly into it, in August I noticed it was getting bigger, so I took in the waist. By more than was needed at the time. I had to do an emergency nip-and-tuck: Not on me, but on my skirt! Hurray! 

Still going shopping. :) Once I finish my daily workout. :)

Lindariel

More Stuff

Wooh I love it when it rains in the morning and it's nice and cool the whole day :) (Well I hope so anyway). Just cheated on my diet plan erk and ate an entire dried mango ._. What's with me and mango. Oh well at least it's not What's with me and cake. Because I discovered that mango is a good cake-craving substitute. :D Haha I was at Clementi mall the other day and craving cake, so I went downstairs to stare at cake (Yeah I came THAT close to bingeing ><) when I saw a fruit stall and I went YES SAVE ME PLEASE and bought some mango :D

I've reached a decision: I'm leaving for New York on the 24th, and I'm scared of the cold :S I've already been feeling it here in Singapore and the temperature is OH COME ON 26 DEGREES :( That's the one thing I don't completely love about the Ana lifestyle. Even though it helps so much with my depression. So I'll starve this week, and starting from next week with the sleep-over and the school dinner and all, I'll eat normally and stuff so that I'll gain back a bit of weight and hopefully not feel the chill as much. My mum's noticed, I think. Yesterday she hugged me and went omg your hands are so cold YOUR BODY IS SO COLD WHY ARE YOU SO COLD and I just kind of pooh-poohed it and said that I'm always rather cold (thalassemia, you see. Gives me a lower body temp. Around 36 degrees, almost an entire degree lower than most other people.) but she gave me this queer look.

Anyway it's going to be nigh impossible to hide the fact that I am not eating from like, 3 overly-concerned adults with no sense of privacy (cultural reasons. Quite understandable actually.) so yeah. No other option about it I guess? :P What I'm more worried about is actually the cold. Oh well. Will post about that when I get there and hopefully :P it won't be too cold until I've got a layer of insulation haha :P Eek I feel so bad. Gotta look at it from a scientific point of view I guess.

In any case I hope there will be a heavy snowfall of sorts when I'm there, so that I can help shovel snow (burns cals like HELL [omg haha irony xD] and keeps me warm too. I never realised what warm work shovelling snow was until we got stuck in 5-foot drifts two Christmases ago. (Remember the Christmas Blizzard anyone? :D) and my family enjoys hiking and the like activities so I guess it won't be too bad.

And I love the people on the forum. <3

Lindariel :)

P/S: OMG YESSS I just weighed in. 38.5kg :D I had rather been dreading weighing in because I haven't really been doing anything much for the past few days, just sitting around and being addicted to the forum lol xD Ok now I am going to clear up my corner of the flat, holy mess it has become :D And I shouldn't become too complacent or I'll end up rewarding myself with food x_x oh gosh it's so dumb.

Cravings Table (Credit Skylarr Rain)

Skylarr Rain posted a "cravings table" in the Pro-Ana Lifestyle forum (link in sidebar <3) and so here it is! (Aw darn I can't attach files //sorry noob here :P)

Craving         Deficiency    Healthy Foods

Chocolate	Magnesium	Raw nuts, seeds, legumes, fruit
Sweets	Chromium	Broccoli, grapes, cheese, dried beans, calves liver, chicken
	Carbon	Fresh fruit
	Phosphorus	Beef, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes, grain
	Sulfur	Cranberries, horseradish, cruciferous vegetables, kale, cabbage
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
Breads	Nitrogen	Fish, meat, nuts, beans
Oily/Fatty Foods	Calcium	Mustard & turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Coffee/Tea	Phosphorus	Beef, liver, poultry, fish, eggs, dairy, nuts, legumes
	Sulfur	Egg yolk, red pepper, meat/fish/poultry, garlic, onion, cruciferous vegetables
	NaCl (salt)	Sea salt, apple cider vinegar (on salad)
	Iron	Meat, fish, poultry, seaweed, leafy greens (I love spinach :D ), black cherries
Alcohol, Recreational Drugs	Protein	Meat, poultry, seafood, dairy, nuts
	Avenin	Granola, oatmeal
	Calcium	Mustard & turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
	Glutamine	Supplement glutamine powder for withdrawal, raw cabbage juice
	Potassium	Sun-dried black olives, potato peel broth, seaweed, bitter greens
Chewing Ice	Iron	Meat, fish, poultry, seaweed, leafy greens, black cherries
Burnt Food	Carbon	Fresh fruit
Carbonated Drinks	Calcium	Mustard & turnip greens, broccoli, kale, legumes, cheese, sesame
Salty Foods	Chloride	Raw goats’ milk, fish, unrefined sea salt
Acidic Foods	Magnesium	Raw nuts, seeds, legumes, fruit
Liquids	Water	Flavour water with lemon/lime. Drink 8 to 10 glasses daily.
Solid Foods	Water	Dehydrated. Flavour water with lemon/lime. Drink 8 to 10 glasses daily.
Cool/Cold Drinks	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
Pre-Menstrual Cravings	Zinc	Red meat, giblet, seafood, leafy vegetables, root vegetables
General Overeating	Silicon	Nuts, seeds. Avoid refined starch
	Tryptophan	Cheese, liver, lamb, raisins, sweet potato, spinach
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements, orange, green and red fruits/vegetables
No Appetite	Vitamin B1	Nuts, seeds, beans, liver, giblet
	Vitamin B3	Tuna, halibut, beef, chicken, turkey, pork, seeds and legumes
	Manganese	Walnuts, almonds, pecans, pineapple, blueberries
	Chloride	Raw goats’ milk, fish, unrefined sea salt
Tobacco	Silicon	Nuts, seeds. Avoid refined starch
	Tyrosine	Vitamin C supplements, orange, green and red fruits/vegetables

Mood Swings and M&Ms

Well actually not M&Ms. No chocolate for the month of November. Or fried food, or crisps. :) In any case I'm feeling less depressed now because my BFFs and I managed to arrange an extended sleepover together next week once Chinese O's are O-ver (ok sorry for the bad pun haha). Took a lot of angst out of all of us xD because we ended up arguing about why A (whom I mentioned in the last post) should not skip Angklung practice to spend time with us. :P And then in the end my friend's mum solved everything by freeing up a day we had not previously considered. xD Fail much! Os end on Wednesday, we meet on Saturday, over the weekend and then I have a school farewell dinner the day after we break camp. i.e. lots of people wanting me to eat. :P I kind of feel quite bad haha because I know they only want me to be happy but it's rather hard to hide my ED from them because it would make them worry. I'm quite excited because it's taken a lot for the three of us to get together before two of us go off to JC and we won't get to see the other girl for quite some time, so. :)

I'm going to eat only dinner (and hopefully a meagre one at that) for the next week to compensate for the week after and hope I don't gain too much! What's more, I'm heading off on a 6-week family holiday on the 24th so everyone's going to be watching how much I eat (or not!). I'm kind of nervous, since we're going to New York, which is going to be cold (Oh gosh Sandy was terrible I saw pics :( I feel so sad for the people whose homes were wrecked) and I'm afraid I'll feel the cold too much. As it is I'm starting to feel kind of chilly here in Singapore because it has been raining the entire week and I'm really feeling the cool at night. Fortunately something called a fleece blanket exists >.<

Stay strong and keep smiling,
Lindariel :)

All Good Things Must Come to an End :"(

I graduated on Wednesday. And now I'm feeling distinctively emo because one of my best friends A is one year younger than I, she's the friend of mine whom I suspect is pro-ana too. (Never asked her though - I'm terribly scared that she isn't after all and then it would be terribly awkward :S )

So I'm sad :( I binged like a pig yesterday, which made me feel lousy like crap, and then I couldn't sleep. And today my Chinese tutor got food for us because it's my last lesson. GAH I'M SUCH A FAT UGLY DEPRESSED COW

Anyway I spent the last of last month's allowance buying groceries for mum. See mum I'm not always a thankless bitch. So I won't have any cash until next week when dad returns from China and then I'm going to buy yarn and paper and nice clothes :D And feeling depressive and bloated right now, which is a combination that obviously sucks. To the max. TT_TT

Lindariel