Yes! So 10 hours into the mega-fast! I'm pretty mind-blown by how I've changed over the past 2 years. I mean, who thought I would be the depressed self-harming anorexic girl who hides everything behind "I'm fine" and a smile?
I'm not pro-ana, despite all that I congratulate people on Instagram when they attain their goal weights. I think I am pro-happiness. If what you do makes you happy, who am I to deprive you of that happiness in favour of your supposed well-being? But if pro-ana means glamorizing anorexia, nope. Well yes, I adopt Ana as a lifestyle, to help cope with my depression. But put it this way: neither cutting, nor Ana, nor psychosis is good, and if I choose to live by Ana, who cares? It makes me feel happy and in control.
Ok sorry half-coherent rant over x) Sigh. I shall have a glass of iced lemon tea this morning. I'll burn it off later anyway; there's band! :) yay! I don't know when I started loving band so much. I mean, of course I love band, but 2 months ago I was wondering seriously why I'd joined band, and feeling so awful about my playing that the entire feeling was pretty crippling. Now I'm enjoying band, playing together, even though I know I'm pretty bad. But at least I can play something decrntly(Sheltering Sky ftw. Even though it's such a shitty delicate piece because of the tuning and crap.) I'm starting enjoy everything a bit more, including self-practice and even sectionals, a bit! :O the one fear though is the tutor >< he's going to take one listen to my playing and puke blood. Ok not as if he's never heard me, but I wasn't playing alone that time. So when he does experience the full power of my lousiness he is going to shrivel up and die. x_x
Lindariel
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